Monday, November 22, 2010

I don't know if I can do this...

I'm having a sudden panic about quitting my job. What's done is done....I can't "un-quit" this job and frankly, I don't want to (it was time for a career change anyway). But I'm freaking out about being able to do "this". The stay-at-home Mom thing. It's just not a natural fit for me. But I feel so incredibly guilty about putting Emmett in daycare. I feel like the amount of hours he has to be there for me to work full-time is unacceptable (I don't mind the actual daycare concept too much...just the hours) But then I feel guilty about dumping my education down the tubes and just walking away from any type of a career.

Eric reminds me I can't have it all. But I want it all. Why is it too much to ask that I can find a challenging and professional career working less than 40 hours a week? Yes, part-time would be ideal. No, I don't want to work retail or fast-food. My current prospect is to transition to the medical field. But then I feel kinda silly to go to school for 5 more years only to hope to work part-time hours.

The internet is sometimes less than helpful. I googled "ivy league stay at home mom" hoping to find some brillant plan...some woman who has gone before me that has it all figured out with the mom/career conflict. Instead, I found this:
An article about how some women in Ivy League schools plan all along to be stay at home Moms. I'm sorry, but that was NOT the plan for me. I will venture to say I could have gone somewhere else and saved a lot of $$ if I did not plan to partake in the workforce.

Stay at Home Moms, don't hate me quite yet.....I WANT to be a stay-at-home mom. And by that, I WANT it to be a great fit for me and I WANT to be really happy and fulfilled doing it. If I could wave a magic wand, I wish I could do it. Being a Stay At Home is a tough, tough job. And it's a very different job from the competitive, career oriented world. And, unfortunately for me, I just have this feeling (OK, I'm lying...I am 99% sure) that I will not enjoy being a Stay at Home Mom. But I love my son. And I don't like our daycare situation. And so I will tackle the Stay at Home Mom job much like other things in my life. I will jump in with two feet and throw myself wildly into occupation.

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